Garret

Part of me didn't want to mention him here. But I feel not noting the reason why I've been bitter and why I've not been posting to create a gap in the timeline, and for what it's worth- he's an interesting character. Here goes......

Let me just preface this. I have a nack for seeing the good in people, and holding tight to the idea so well that I lose myself in it. I want to bring out that in people. On top of that, while I appreciate advice and opinions of friends and aquaintences-I still have to make the mistake myself to learn the multitude of lessons for myself. I told you I was stubborn.

So this is Garret. Country-singer want to be, Tall, sweet, stong construction worker daily. I'll quote Autumn:

"Garret's a great guy to hang out with, but not good with relationships"

Thank you Autumn, dead on. Let me explain. At first sight he's everything a gal could want. Atractive, tall, fun, sweet and he gives off this good vibe of 'got-it-togetherness'. While the outward appearance never dies, he hides this child-like monster, ill-responsible and inconsiderate of anything aside the bottle. Alcohol.

Granted, I met him at Karaoke. A bar. I get it, I got it. My mistake.

The hard part about posting this is not letting my emotions factor in when trying to relay the story. I ended up getting hurt- mostly because I opened myself up and failed to heed the warning signs. I'm a sucker for second and third and fourth (etc.) chances.

So weekend number one was great, number two had a few glitches..... all of which revolved around his schedule.... and how I would be factored in after getting drunk. If I went into the relationship knowing this.... I would have handled it differently. If he didn't make plans with me ..... I wouldn't have been waiting....... and if he made good on the commitments he made, I wouldn't have been upset...... or have decided to go to a bar by myself and have too much fun. (Yea.... I had fun.... dancing EVERYWHERE!)

Apologies.

Apologies mean nothing unless you mean them. I wanted him to mean them, so whether or not he was actually sincere has been masked by my desire for his intentions to be good. (Damn me and my hope in others) Needless to say, the following two weeks were decked with varied excuses to hide empty bottles and high bar tabs, while I awaited promised dates and times. I can only convince myself that someone is being honest and considerate and that 'shit came up' for so long. Especially when it was the same thing- liquor.

Then came the dinner party. I hosted an evening event, which he promised to attend, and day of confirmed. I spent about 8 hours cooking and cleaning for the 10 people we had over. The whole idea of the night was to introduce the great side of Garret I saw, and to counter all of the warnings they were given and shared with me. It was one hell of a backfire.

Dinner started at 7:30, he mentioned that he may be late, so I wasn't concerned when he wasn't prompt. At about 8:15 everyone started eating (Lemon butter and Herb Salmon, Blackened Cajun Chicken, Zuccini, Fruit Salad, Ruben Dip, Spinach dip, Penne Pasta with a thick Alfredo sauce......) I took some initiative to call and see if he wanted me to set food aside. He was at Cobblestone- drink in hand. I hung up the phone, and part of me died.

My freinds calmed me down, I cleaned up, and we had a great rest of the night. I told him off at the bar, and all I got back was a blank stare. How can people be so cold?

I don't want you to think he's a bad guy. Infact- he's wonderful sober, but he can't handle a relationship, he doesn't know how to care about anything but himself right now. I hope it'll come in time, but right now, he's got no responsibility, and I don't think he wants any. Life will catch up with him-and I learned another fatal flaw of my own.

I can't add any more photos....something 's up with the site....... Grr.